The sweetness of life, I find, is in the small things. I notice the small things more now than I did in my 20s. In my 20s, I was Highly Concerned with Highly Concerning Concerns.
Now, I’ve gained just enough wisdom to realize that there are like two important things in life.
Or maybe just one. Yeah, one.
So that gives me a bit more space to breathe. More time to look around. More time to enjoy.
Even though I am not what might traditionally be considered an Impressively Productive Person, it’s not for lack of trying. I think it’s more a matter of ineffectual effort than a mere lack. I tend to spin my wheels in free moments, wandering about the house eternally tidying things, accomplishing minute, unnecessary tasks. Just doing things to be doing something. Going hither and thither. And also yon.
It’s a fear of wasting time – I’ve always had it. Which means that I waste a lot of time worrying about wasting time and then I waste time in order to ward off the worrying.
It’s a merry kettle of nonsense.
So I remind myself (bear with me here, this sounds morbid) that I might die tomorrow. And, if I died tomorrow, would I be pleased that I’d spent my last moments worrying about how one ought to spend one’s moments?
You can never be refreshed if you don’t sink into your moments. And if you’re never refreshed, you’ll never be productive. And the cycle goes on and on.
And so I look for the sweetness in life, the little things that revive. Sit down, feel the sun, look up at the purple trees, breathe the salty air, hold the pug, hug the husband, watch the show, shed the tear, listen to the neighbor kids playing outside, close your eyes, smile, strum the guitar, relish the time.
I don’t think life is always good, but I know that life is good.
(If you want to know the truth, I’m so tired right now that I don’t know exactly what I’ve just written but I’m scheduling it to publish tomorrow anyways. I really have this deep-seated hope that it’s not a heap of garbage. This is my life. Doing things and hoping they are not garbage. Forever and ever, amen.)